The Novelty-Themed Stripper (scene)
Characters *Geoff Vampire *Man *Woman *Jim *Svetlana Synopsis The film opens with Geoff Vampire (as a 'shadowy figure') approaching Man and Woman's house. Man and Woman are making small talk when Geoff rings the doorbell (which as he carries round in his pocket, as the house has no doorbell). Meanwhile, Jim and Svetlana are out, lost while hiking, when it begins to rain. They call at the back door of the house and also knock. Man and Woman assume that it must be the novelty themed stripper, and run from back to front door, not being able to open either as they keep being distracted by trhe other door being knocked on or rung. Eventually they let in Jim and Svetlana, but as neither of them are the stripper Man and Woman are disappointed (althuogh Man and Jim seem to have somethnig going). They then return to the front door, only to find the outside empty. Script EXT. SMALL VILLAGE - DUSK A large, imposing house can be seen at the top of a hill. It is far away. A vampiric looking figure rises into shot close to the camera, only his back can be seen. The figure begins to move towards the house. A low muttering can be heard. The shot is like a head-cam but from the back. During this shot various credits appear in a red spooky font. The figure arrives at the front door to the house. He pulls a doorbell from his pocket and presses it. INT. DRAWING ROOM - DUSK MAN and WOMAN are sitting down reading newspapers; there is tea on the table in front of them. The doorbell sounds. MAN Get the door would you dear. WOMAN But honey, we don't have a doorbell. MAN looks shocked as a pipe drops from his mouth. Dramatic sound with trombone shot. EXT. COUNTRY LANE - DUSK JIM and SVETLANA are standing in a lane arguing over a map. They are dressed in anoraks and have large bag each; the typical ‘‘backpacker’’ look. JIM (In a cocksure fasion) Look, I know precisely where we are. SVETLANA Face it Jim we're hopelessly lost, I told you we should have asked for directions. (Beat) And now it's raining. JIM Don't be silly Svetlana dear, we're not lost, and it most certainly is not raining. SVETLANA Yes Jim, it is. JIM and SVETLANA look up to the sky, a bucket of water falls on them. JIM Actually love I think you could be right there. There’s a house over there, that'll keep us dry. Come on. The pair head off, the camera reveals the house towards which they are headed. It is the same house as before. INT. DRAWING ROOM - DUSK Both MAN and WOMAN look anxious. There is much pacing and looking out of curtains. WOMAN Well who the hell could it be at this hour? MAN I presume it's just the plumber dear. WOMAN But it's a Tuesday! MAN The electrician perhaps? WOMAN Never after 7. MAN & WOMAN (Beat) The novelty themed stripper! WOMAN Of course! Quick, to the front door! Both MAN and WOMAN jump up quickly and rush to the door of the drawing room. EXT. BACK DOOR OF HOUSE - DUSK JIM and SVETLANA arrive at the door. SVETLANA Well go on then, knock. JIM takes a big breath in then knocks on the door. INT. HALLWAY - DUSK MAN and WOMAN are heading hurriedly to the front door. There comes a knock from the back door. MAN and WOMAN stop. MAN With haste dear, the back door. MAN and WOMAN run towards the back door. EXT. FRONT DOOR OF HOUSE - DUSK The figure (still only seen from behind) checks his watch impatiently. Then pulls the doorbell out and presses it again. INT. HALLWAY - DUSK MAN and WOMAN hear the doorbell and stop. WOMAN The front door! They rush off again. EXT. BACK DOOR OF HOUSE - DUSK SVETLANA Maybe they didn't hear. JIM I'll knock again. JIM knocks again. INT. HALLWAY - DUSK MAN and WOMAN stop, then run back in the opposite direction. The doorbell is heard. They change directions. Then the knock. They change directions. This gag repeats a few times increasing in speed. MAN and WOMAN start running in opposite directions do twirls in the middle etc. There is one very loud knock. They go to the back door. INT. BACK DOOR IN KITCHEN - DUSK MAN opens door. MAN (Eagerly Expectant) Are you the novelty themed stripper? SVETLANA NO. WOMAN Well how about you? JIM Me neither I’m afraid. MAN Then go away! MAN tries to slam the door, but JIM stops him. SVETLANA Please sir, we just want somewhere warm and dry to stay for the night. This rain is getting awful wet. WOMAN Rain?! Pah! It's not even drizzling. SVETLANA (Indignantly) Yes it is. MAN AND WOMAN step outside and look up. A bucket of water falls on their heads. They step back in the house. MAN Actually I think you could be right there. JIM I fell for that one too. MAN In that case, do come in, as a matter of fact we're just expecting a novelty themed stripper. JIM & SVETLANA Goody! They step inside. JIM and SVETLANA take of their bags and coats revealing fine evening wear. In true horror style SVETLANA's is slightly revealing, but not too much. More a case of being a slightly saucy and impractical dress. SVETLANA Shall we? JIM nods and they head of out of the kitchen. MAN and WOMAN hurry after them. INT. HALLWAY - DUSK MAN, WOMAN, JIM and SVETLANA all wander down the hallway chatting expectantly. They get to the door and open it. No-one is there. MAN (Disappointed surprise) Oh? Where'd he go? I could have sworn I heard someone. WOMAN Don't worry dear, I heard him too. MAN (Quietly) Hmmm, must be going mad. MAN closes the door. They all walk down the hallway to the drawing room. Category:Scenes